Drowning in Memories
by Psychic Slayer7
Summary: Shawn's childhood wasn't all the fun and games which he led everyone to believe. A new case comes up for the SBPD that hits everyone close to home. This case brings back memories from Shawn's past, which he has tried so hard to push aside. Juliet begins to see a whole new side of Shawn, she never expected. Will Jules find a way to solve the case and the mystery of Shawn's behavior?
1. Chapter 1

_Shout_

_Shout_

_Let it all out_

_These are things I can do without_

_Come On_

_I'm talking to you_

_Come on_

"Hello," I say, grabbing my phone from my nightstand.

"Oh good, O'Hara, you're awake." It's Chief Vick on the other line.

"Yeah, now I am," I reply tiredly.

"Sorry to bother you so late, but there is a very important case that has been handed to us. Dobson's son was just found dead."

I feel my heart drop at this news. "What?"

"I need you to get down there as soon as possible. And bring Mr. Spencer with you." She hangs up without waiting for me to reply.

"Shawn," I say, suddenly wondering why he hasn't woken up yet and started talking. I roll over to see nothing but crumpled bed sheets where he should be.

I become aware of a noise coming from the living room. It sounds like Shawn talking, but I can see his green iPhone case sitting on his nightstand. "What is he doing now?" I murmur to myself.

Shaking my head, I sit up and stretch. My bare feet hit the wooden floor and I walk into the living room.

In the living room, Shawn looks terrible. He was wearing nothing but boxers and an old gray T-shirt, topped with his signature bed-head look.

I watch him for a minute to see if I can figure out what he is doing; its odd for him or anybody to be awake at this hour. The only time I've ever seen him like this is when he's trying to crack a case, but I can't think of anything he has been working recently that hadn't been solved.

"It was an accident," he says to himself, "I didn't mean to, it was an accident… it was an accident… it was a-"

"Shawn. What was an accident?" He whirls around to stare at are tears racing down his face. I have never seen him cry this much.

"What?" He stares blankly, not really seeing me before saying," Oh, nothing. Just trying to work something out." He turns his head, not making any eye contact, and walks right back into our bedroom. I hear the closet door slide open as I stand in the living room, trying to make my still drowsy brain understand what just happened.

"We have a case, Shawn, you should probably make yourself look decent, it's urgent. And call Gus." I don't say anything else because he obviously doesn't want to talk about it.

"Okay," is all he says, like he has no interest in a case.

I try to push that incident into the back of my mind as I get dressed and start making my coffee.

"What case do we need to go to at this hour?" Shawn comes out, searching for some food.

"One of Dobson's sons was found dead," I reply, finding his wording very strange. It was almost as if he didn't want to go which isn't normal, but yet again it is two-thirty in the morning.

"Coffee me," Shawn says, making eye contact once again. Maybe it was just a dream he had; I'll just try to let it pass. I pour out coffee into our cups and head out towards my car.

The drive there is almost silent. I at first thought Shawn had fallen back asleep, not that I would blame him, but when I glance over, he is just staring out the window.

"Shawn? Are you okay?" I decide I may as well try and broach the subject while we're alone. It's not often that he cries.

Shawn looks over and smiles. He almost succeeds at making it look normal, too. But his eyes are just a little too bright and his smile is just a little too wide to be genuine. If I didn't know him so well, I wouldn't have caught it. "Fine, Jules. I just had a weird dream."

"You want to talk about it?"

"Maybe later." That's the end of the car conversation.

The blueberry is pulling in among all the cop cars as we pull up to Dobson's house. The whole street is bathed in red and blue light from the police cruisers.

"Where is my food that I was promised, Shawn?" Gus says, walking over towards us. He looks way less sophisticated than usual. His shirt is untucked and he is in sweats, which I guess is okay because it's three in the morning but still it is very unlikely for Gus to be in public looking that way, especially during a case.

"Gus," Shawn says like he is his normal self again, "You must have heard me wrong. We are getting food after we are done here."

"I know that you said you were bringing me food, that's the only reason I came," Gus starts searching through my car like a raccoon in a trash can.

"Out of my car Gus, let's go." I pull him away from the the seat and lock up the car because I know that's the only thing that will stop him from looking for his food.

"Why the heck did I come here if there isn't any food?" He says, chasing after Shawn's retreating back so he can steal the coffee. "That's my coffee! Juliet," Shawn whines, "Make him give me my coffee." I ignore him because I've learned to stay out of these things.

I make my way to the house, leaving the boys outside doing whatever they are doing.

"It's about time you showed up." Lassiter says, leading me towards the family room.

"What is going on here?" I ask, confused, because I am not seeing a crime scene here.

"I will let Chief and the family explain it to you." It's not normal for Lassiter to let somebody else do the explaining on a case.

"O'Hara, take a seat," Chief Vick says making a gesture towards the couch.

"What's going on?" I sit down reluctantly.

"Where is Shawn?" She asks, completely ignoring my question.

"He and Gus are fighting over Shawn's coffee. Please tell me what's going on." I get up, using all my willpower to not yell.

"Lassiter," she says sternly, "Go get them, we won't be repeating this twice."

"Once might not be enough for those hooligans," Lassiter mumbles as he walks out.

"Chief, is everything okay?" I lay back a little bit because she seems all shaken up about this one. I wait for a reply but she starts walking away. She might be saying something but all I can hear is Shawn and Gus fighting over coffee.

"Jules made me that coffee with love," Shawn whines. "And she loves me not you, so it's mine."

"C'mon son, you don't want me to starve out here do you?" Gus complains.

"Get your childish asses in here before I drag them in that house." I almost cracked a smile while grumpy Lassiter tried to get them in line.

I get up to meet them at the door. "Shawn, listen to me," I grab him before he storms in there. "This one is serious, none of your psychic vision crap; the Chief is upset."

"I've got it Jules, serious Shawn now." His crazy side was gone in a flash just like earlier. We head into the living and take a seat.

"I'm sorry to pull you all out of your beds at this hour but this is important." She paces around the room.

"Too late for that," Gus says under his breath. I slap him on the leg because Shawn didn't do it fast enough. He gives me a death stare but he most certainly deserved it.

"The son of one of our own has been found dead," Vick continued. "Dobson obviously is very shaken up about this and I want everyone to handle this with the utmost maturity and sensitivity." She makes eye contact with Shawn and Gus as she says the last part.

"Do we suspect foul play?" I ask.

"At this point, yes, it's a possibility."

"What happened?" Shawn says with more sincerity than usual.

"Dobson's son Charlie was found floating in their pond earlier." Shock fell over us all as the chief continues. "They went up to say goodnight but he wasn't there. They were already in a panic and then they found him dead, so they are in no condition to talk."

"So it's all up to us to investigate the hell out of this thing?" Lassiter asks, breaking the silence.

"This is a case Lassie, be serious" I expected a joke out of Shawn but no, he is the one putting Lassiter in his place for the first time in forever.

"Thank you Shawn, now can we get started here Lassiter?" The Chief is pretty pissed off now.

"Yes, please go on Chief." Lassiter is definitely not used to hearing that from her.

"I've got nothing else at this time, the Dobson's are sitting upstairs in their office. Get to work team." She walks out leaving us to figure all this out.

"You heard her, let's get to work." I see a small tear start to come out of the corner of Shawn's eye and run down his face.

"I'm going to go question the family." Lassiter gets and starts walking.

"Hold it right there Carlton." I get up and grab his arm firmly. "Don't you even get close to the family. People aren't exactly your strongest suit."

"Yeah Lassie, go look at the dead dude." Gus says stealing the words right out of my mouth, well I certainly wouldn't use dead dude but it was good enough.

"Jules?" Shawn asks hesitantly. "Could I come with you to talk to the Dobson's?" Shawn

"Ok, Gus, you go with Lassiter," I say taking the lead.

"But Juliet," he complains, "I haven't eaten anything yet, I need food."

"Fine. Go get food but meet back here in twenty." Shawn and I now start to make our way upstairs.

"You know you can't go in there and talk to them like a detective Jules," Shawn says breaking the silence. "Talk to them like you would talk to a friend."

"I know Shawn, they are probably completely broken. I can't even imagine what this must be like for them. To lose a child like that..." I trailed off. This conversation was depressing me.

"Yea, uh, it must suck," Shawn replies quietly.

"Shawn, what is going on? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine Jules." But he doesn't meet my eyes as he says it.

"Shawn." I stand on the stair above him, facing him. "I can tell something is going on. Will you please just tell me?"

"It's not the time right now. The Dobson's are waiting for us."

"Fine. But we are talking later." I slip my hand into his as we go up the rest of the stairs.

We make our way into the room where the Dobson's are seated. I can see that they have both been crying. "Hi. I'm so sorry about what happened."

"Hello Detective," Dobson greets me. "Please, have a seat."

Shawn and I sit in armchairs facing the Dobsons. "Can you just tell me everything that happened tonight? Anything might help."

"Nothing out of the usual. Charlie and his brother Nate were playing like usual. They always go out by the pond and look for frogs and play around in the mud like any little boy," Mrs. Dobson explains, trying to hold back the sobs. "They love chasing each other around out there too, playing some game that I never understood."

"I see." I nod and glance over at Shawn beside me. "Shawn?" I ask in shock.

Shawn was looking very upset, with his head resting in his hands. He looks up as I say his name. I can see the tears swimming in his eyes. "Could you just excuse us for a minute?" I ask politely.

"Of course."

Shawn and I left the room quietly and sat on the top step. "Shawn, what is going on? And don't you dare say nothing, that's obviously not true."

"These cases are just hard for me, that's all." Shawn doesn't meet my eyes as he says this.

"I've never seen you this upset over a case," I gently remark.

Shawn just shrugs. "I guess it's closer to home."

I still am not completely satisfied with this answer, but I don't want to push him too hard. He's already pushing me back.

"Shawn!" Gus hollers from the bottom of the stairs. "Shawn, get down here!"

He looks to me as if asking permission. "Go. I'll be fine," I say.

Shawn gives me a quick kiss on the cheek as he stands and jogs down the stairs.

"Man, what's wrong with you?" I faintly hear Gus asking as Shawn reaches him.

"I'll tell you in the car. Lets go get some tacos," They race out the door.

"I call shotgun!" I hear Shawn yell .

"Idiot, I'm driving of course you have shotgun"


	2. Chapter 2

Lassiter and I are back at the station, researching to try and find any lead.

"You two come into my office and tell me what you've got for me," Vick says, I jump in my seat a little because she came out of nowhere. I get up after my mini heart attack and head into her office.

"What did you find?" Karen circles the room closing all the blinds.

"Why the secrecy?" Lassiter asks closing the door behind him.

"This is a hard case for people to handle; let's just keep it quiet so it doesn't interfere with everyone else's work," she explains taking a seat at her desk.

"From glancing at the the body, there was nothing that seemed to show any signs of drowning but Woody should let us know pretty soon." Lassiter says with no emotion.

"Ok, we should check with him again," she says jotting it down, "O'Hara, what did you get?"

"Not a lot, but that was expected, the family is a wreck. I will talk to them more later, they need time."

"Ok that sounds good, any ideas what Shawn has on it?" She gets up and starts pacing again.

"I'll call him now and get him and Gus here." I start dialing him up as I head back toward my desk.

"Hello my dear Jules," he says on the other line.

I take the risk and ask, "You doing okay? Did food help you out?"

"Yeah, the tacos were great. You should get some food in you too, sweetie."

"I'll be fine, Chief wants you and Gus over here at the station. Please try to keep your cool if you want to stay on the case."

"I will, I will. I'm going to bring you food, you'll thank me later."

"Ok see you soon." I say but he's already hung up. I hear my stomach make some weird noise; maybe food would be a good idea.

"O'Hara, is Spencer coming?" Chief asks coming up from behind me.

"Yes, he is on his way, Gus too." I say turning to face her.

"Good, now get to work. This is our top priority right now." She says as she heads back towards her office.

"I've got pizza," Shawn says excitedly. His voice was startling to me because I had spaced out.

"Gimme that!" Gus says, grabbing two pieces, one for each hand.

"Hand some over this way," I say getting up to join them, "Carlton, would you like some?"

"Yes, I haven't eaten anything today." He gets up to join us in our feast.

"When you guys are done stuffing your faces over there, check and see what progress Woody has made, then meet back in my office," Chief Vick yells from her office. "Oh, and save me a piece or two."

"Yes, Chief," Gus manages to say in between bites.

We wolf down some more food and then head towards the autopsy room. I grab Shawn's arm just outside the door and ask "Are you going to be okay with this?"

"Yes Jules I'll be fine, stop worrying so much, I'm as tough as a butterfly." He walks away to catch up with Gus.

"That doesn't even make sense, Shawn" I say to myself trying, yet again, to figure out what goes on in his head.

"I've got good news and bad news everybody," Woody says way too excitedly.

"Let's hear the good news first," Gus says, trying to avoid looking at the body. "Well the good news is, I believe he was murdered!" Again he sounds very excited about this.

"How is that the good news?" I ask, appalled at Woody's joy in death.

"What's the bad news then?" Carlton asks, still as robotic brained as ever.

"I have no idea how he was killed."

"No, you're wrong," Shawn says, clearly upset.

"What?" Woody asks, shocked, "I double checked everything, this definitely wasn't just a typical drowning." He says glancing over the boy again and again.

"No, I don't believe that." Shawn now starts to pace, holding back his anger.

"Woody is probably right Shawn, he does know bodies pretty well." Gus disagrees gently.

"I can't do this with you right now," Shawn walks out leaving Gus, and the rest of us, very confused.

"Shawn wait," I say following him out, "I know this isn't easy for you but, it's what happened. Nobody wants to hear about a little boy being murdered but, this is the world we live in."

"No, no, no," he repeats, trailing off as he punches the wall a few times.

"Shawn!" I yell grabbing his arms and turning him to face me. "Later you need to tell me what the hell is going on with you but for right now you need to pull yourself together if you want to stay on the case. You understand?" I whisper the rest so nobody hears us.

"Yes, but they are wrong about this case. They are wrong," Shawn says, angrily fighting back tears, "If they don't know that it wasn't murder, then they won't know he drowned and then the brother will," he trails off before he can complete his thought.

"What are you trying to say?" I can't tell if what he is saying is logical or if he is just mumbling things to himself.

"Nothing," he replies without hesitation.

"We need to go back and join the others but you've got to figure out how to pull yourself together. If the Chief sees you like this, she will take you off the case. I know she will, and I also know that you don't want that," I say as sweetly as I can, "I don't like seeing you like this, I want to know what's going on in your head."

"I've got this Jules, and really it's no biggie, just a hard case because it's a child."

"I know that isn't the whole story. When you want to let me in your head, I'll be here. I'll always be here." I give him a quick kiss and we head up to the Chief's office where we are supposed to meet everyone. I hear him take a deep breath, and then he catches up to me. I just look at him, not saying a word.

He looks so tired and, well, sad. His eyes are downcast and there is none of the usual pep to his step. I take his hand and give it a soft squeeze. He lifts his eyes up to mine and gives me a hollow smile.

"Ah, finally. Are you alright now, Mr. Spencer?" Chief Vick asks as we walk in her office door.

"Right as snow, Chief, thanks for asking." Shawn gives one of his dazzling smiles, fooling everyone but me, and from the looks of it, Gus.

"The saying is right as rain, Shawn." Gus corrects him.

"Well, that doesn't make any sense at all. What is right about rain?" Shawn shoots back.

"What is right about snow?"

"What isn't right about snow?"

"Enough! Show some respect, both of you," Chief Vick scolds them.

"So sorry, Chief." Shawn sits down in one of the chairs.

"Tell us what you found."

"Woody found several broken fingers and ribs. This further leads us to suspect foul play."

"No!" Shawn yells, standing back up. "This isn't foul play, I-the spirits are sure of it. Charlie's death was nothing more than an accident."

"Lower your voice, Mr. Spencer. Do you have any proof that this isn't foul play? Because that's where all the signs are pointing at this time," Vick explains, her voice solemn. "I don't want to believe it any more than you, but that's where the facts lead."

"The facts are wrong! You have to trust me on this one. There is a zero percent chance that this is foul play."

"Sit down, Mr. Spencer and if I have to ask you to lower your voice and be respectful one more time, I will just ask you to leave. Are we clear?" Shawn sinks back into the chair.

"Crystal clear, Chief."

"As I was saying, Woody found broken bones and bruising on Charlie's back. We are looking for a child killer, possibly someone with something against Dobson, or even just cops in general. Mr. Spencer, are you alright?" I look at Shawn's back and see it shaking. He can't really be crying now, can he? Not again. He's going to get kicked off the case!

"Shawn?" I put a hand on Shawn's shoulder, trying to comfort him. Gus does the same on the other side while Lassiter hangs back, looking uncomfortable.

"Look, Shawn," Chief Vick's voice is softer now, more soothing. "It seems like you are too close to this case. I'm taking you and Gus off of it, effective immediately."

"What? No, I need to solve it. He's counting on me!"

"It's for your own good. Gus, please take him away, and keep him busy with something." She whispers the last part so Shawn won't hear her.

"She's right, Shawn, let's get you home," I say leading him out of the station.

"But he needs me, he needs me."

"Who is he?" I ask, once again, very confused.

"Nate, Nate needs me on this." He says starting to cry again.

"What the hell is wrong with you Shawn?" Gus says opening the door to the blueberry, "C'mon son, you got us kicked off the case now lets go do something else."

"Shawn, you should go" I say. Holding his hands and looking into his tear filled eyes I continue, "I will meet you back at home soon. Get some sleep and promise me you won't go snooping around."

"I promise," he says, but I don't buy it.

"I'll see you at home." I lean in and give him a quick kiss before turning around to go back into the station. "Sorry about that," I say, reentering Chiefs office. "What did I miss?"

"Is Shawn going to sit out of this one like he's supposed to?" Karen asks, probably remembering the last dozen times that Shawn kept working even after he was fired.

"I sure hope so, I don't know what's up with him today," I say, bending the truth a little so I don't have to explain anything.

"Make sure he stays away, O'Hara. You're the only one here who can control him. Now let's get back to the case please."

"It'll go faster now that Spencer isn't getting in the way." I try to ignore Carlton's insult.

"Woody, see if you can get anything else from the body. Lassiter, O'Hara, go see if you can find anything else out at their home, try to talk to everyone." Vick orders.

"Okay Chief, I'll go spend some time with the dead, always a good days work." Woody says with a smile, being strange as usual.

"What are you two waiting for? Go!" Chief seems to be a little bit on edge still.

"Yes, Chief," Lassiter says and we walk out.


	3. Chapter 3

As we turn the corner onto Oak street I see the blueberry parked on the side of the road.

"Why can't Shawn ever listen to me," I mumble, pulling out my phone to send a quick text. _GO HOME _I type as fast as I can and click send.

"Is that Gus' car?" He asks very angrily just after I sent the text.

"Looks like it," I say reluctantly as I get out of the car.

"Why can't he learn when he isn't wanted?" Lassiter grumbles.

I swat his arm. "Don't be so insensitive!"

At this point, Shawn walks out onto the sidewalk from behind a bush. "Hey everybody!" There's that too wide smile again.

"Dammit Spencer, why can't you do what you're told for once?"

"Hold on baby, there's a vision coming in here," Shawn says, raising his hand to his head.

"Shawn!" I hiss, trying to shut him up.

"Silence sweety, the spirits are telling me something." Once again, he is oblivious to the hints I keep throwing at his face.

"That little boy died right over," he stops mid-sentence and runs into the backyard, "here," he continues, pointing to the pond.

"Spencer cut it out," Lassiter says, catching up to us.

"Shawn he was found there, we know that, let's just go home." Gus seems to be on my side here too.

"No, he wasn't murdered at all, his brother tried his hardest to save his other half from drowning." A tear starts to form in his eye and begins to creep down his face as he continues, "They were just playing around and he fell in but he didn't have the strength to climb back to dry land. He just kept smashing against the shoreline right here as his brother tried to save him. But they weren't allowed to go in the pond so he tried to take care of it himself, but he failed." The tears that have been building up in his eyes now begin falling all at once down his face. He tries to hide it, but it is too late. I wrap my arm around him as he walks towards me.

"Why don't you listen to me, Shawn?" Maybe a little joke will put a smile onto his face. "Gus, please take him home and make sure he stays there."

"Okay, come on Shawn. I don't know what's wrong with you today." They walk away and I watch until they drive off because part of me still doesn't trust them to stay away.

"So, what do you think?" I ask my partner.

"About what?"

"About Shawn's theory! Don't you think he might be onto something?"

"Please, O'hara. Spencer is just making an ass out of himself to get on the case as usual."

"He wants to get on the case by claiming it's not murder? That doesn't make any sense. And he seemed to have a lot figured out." I may not want Shawn on this case but I do want to investigate his lead.

"Well it's Spencer, nothing from him ever makes sense." He does kind of have a point but I know Shawn well enough now to know when he is lying and it didn't seem like he was.

"True, what do you think we should do then?" I'm forced to go along with him because there is no that anybody can change Carlton's mind on anything.

"Let's ask to look at his things to see if we can figure out if anyone wanted to harm him."We begin weaving our way through the trees to get back to their house.

"Okay just let me do the talking please," there is no way that I'm going to allow Lassiter to make contact with these people because he will just upset them even more than they already are.

"Hello again O'Hara" Mrs. Dobson says opening the door but not wide enough to say come on in. She must have heard us outside and anticipated our arrival.

"How are you?" A friendly approach is probably the best way for her to agree to let us look around.

"I'm hanging in there, thank you for asking," She opens the door a little bit wider.

"May we come in?" I ask, gesturing towards the door.

"Why?" She rapidly fires back, "That was rude I'm sorry, come on in."

"Thanks, it's okay I get it, this can't be easy for you" I think once again about how hard it must be for her.

She opens the door and we enter into the gorgeous entry hall. It's really not all that big, but they have one; in my house you walk in the door and you're met with stairs.

"May we take a look in his room?" I ask cautiously "We can wait if you'd like, we would just like to figure what happened as soon as we can." I add so it doesn't seem like there's any pressure.

"Do you people think he was murdered?" Knowing police work all too well, she starts connecting the dots.

I give Carlton a look that told him that he better not say a word before replying, "No, we would just like to get to know your son better. I remember meeting him at one of the SBPD softball games. I bet he was an amazing kid, having you two as parents." I lie about the murder part but maybe I'm telling the truth because Shawn's theory didn't seem that outrageous but, there isn't any evidence to back either of them up.

"He was a wonderful kid," She says quietly then trails off, probably remembering everything about him. She is silent for a minute before she speaks up and says "I guess, you can go. Just knock first because Nate is in there. He locked himself in there and hasn't come out since last night."

"Thank you, I promise we won't disturb a thing," I try not to sound enthusiastic but I think I failed. "If you ever need anything, Mrs. Dobson, don't hesitate to give me a call."

"Thanks O'Hara." She starts walking away towards the kitchen. "Oh, and his room is the one with decorations all over it." Her lips separate, letting a smile start to peek out.

"Why did you lie to her O'Hara?" Lassiter asks as we start walking up the brown carpeted staircase.

"I didn't lie," I say before thinking about what I'm gonna say. It just came out, darn, I didn't want to tell Lassiter that I agree with Shawn but it's too late for that now.

"You better not believe Spencer's crazy theory," I shrink back slightly because I think I do believe him, "You're above that O'Hara."

"Just because Shawn can be crazy with his theories sometimes, doesn't mean that they can't be true once in awhile," I stop in my place and continue lecturing Lassiter, "I trust Shawn and I consider his theories. This case hasn't been easy for him okay?"

"Cases aren't supposed to be easy," Lassiter interrupts.

"Carlton! You never pay attention to people's feelings, ever. That must be why you get referred to as a robot." By now I am very pissed off, I could drop it but I'm gonna stand up for my boyfriend even if he isn't being completely honest with me today.

"Detectives can't be emotional like you O'Hara."

"I'm just considering the options here okay, let's just do what we came here to do and go home. This has been a long day for all of us." Glancing the clock in the living room, it's three o'clock, I do the math and realize we've been working for twelve hours.

"Fine, let's get this over with." We head the rest of the way up the stairs in silence.


	4. Chapter 4

*knock* *knock* *knock* *knock* *knock*

I knock on his door, underneath the do not disturb sign, in a funky rhythm hoping that he will answer it.

"What do you want?" I hear Nate's muffled voice ask.

"Nate, it's me, Juliet." I remember the last department softball game and how he and I had talked a lot so I say, "O'Hara. You remember me, from your dad's softball game last year."

"Yeah I remember you," his voice is a little more clear now, but he still sounds cautious.

"May I come in?" Remembering Shawn's advice, I speak as friendly as I can. "I just want to see how you're doing."

"Did my mom send you?"

"No," I laugh. "She actually didn't want me to come up, but I convinced her to let me."

"Oh. Is that weird head detective with you too?"

"No, just me." I use hand signals to tell Carlton to go downstairs. Stubbornly, he follows my orders and walks downstairs.

"I guess you can come in." I hear him getting up to come unlock the door.

"Thanks," I say as he opens up the door. The room is filled with Star Wars posters, action figures, bed sheets, carpet, and just about everything else in their room is Star Wars.

"Sorry my room is a mess," he mumbles, "Charlie was supposed to clean..." Then he trails off with a miserable expression on his face.

"Looks cleaner than my room." It probably is because Shawn can be a slob.

"Really?" A small smile peeks out.

"Yeah, Shawn is a mess!" I laugh. Glancing around the room I see a shelf that's full of toy airplanes, both model planes and remote controlled ones.

"Is Shawn that crazy guy who was getting all the hits last game?" A smile finally creeps onto his face.

"Yeah, that's him." I laugh, happy to see that I found a way to make him cheer up for the moment.

"And you have to share a room with him?" he asks, laughing

"Yeah," I laugh with him. "Takes a little bit of getting used to."

"Wait, so are you guys married?" He asks, like any little kid would.

"No," I say, even though I'd love to be able to say yes or not yet.

"Oh." his smile starts to fade.

"So you like Star Wars?" I walk around looking at all the stuff in his room.

"Yes," he says with a lot of enthusiasm, bring the smile right back onto his cute face.

"Which is your favorite movie?" I ask, keeping the conversation going as I look around.

"All of them," he says without hesitation. "Be careful with that." He walks over towards me.

"Oh sorry," I hand the Lego Death Star to him. "Did you make that?"

"Yeah Charlie and I," he pauses as his enthusiasm fades away. "We worked on it for months, I just finished it today. So I haven't glued it all together yet."

"Do you fly these?" Gesturing towards his plane collection, I try to distract him from the thought of his brother.

"Yeah we like to fly them around in the backyard," he gets quieter again. "We would have dog fights, that's why they are all pretty dead."

"Sounds like fun." I try to stay cheerful.

"Yeah, it is-was," he mumbles before asking "Can I be alone now?" He walks over and sits back down on his crumpled galaxy bed sheets.

"Yeah, thanks for showing me your room." I take one more quick look around his room and start walking out.

"Wait, Juliet," he says when I'm almost out the door. "Thanks for coming up here."

"You're welcome, let me know if you need anything." I set down one of my business card on the desk next to me. "My cell and home number are on the back, call me whenever you'd like."

"Thanks," he says softly.

I close the door behind me, heading down to hall to go get yelled at by Carlton.

"O'Hara!" He starts the second he sees me, "I am head detective, you don't have the right to kick me out like that."

"All I'm doing is trying to solve the case in the best way possible." Trying to reason with him, I continue down the stairs.

"Oh, so you think I can't do my job?" He's starting to sound like Shawn with his lack of maturity.

"Why don't we just go home and get some sleep and pick this up tomorrow," I say in an attempt to stop this stupid argument. "We are both clearly tired, so tired that we aren't being very productive."

"Fine." He walks out. When I hear his car engine start up I remember that we came together. Hopefully Shawn is still awake.

"Thank you for letting me talk to him," I say to Mrs. Dobson as she walks past.

"No, thank you." She says letting a smile on to her face. "What did he have to say?"

"Not much, I just tried to keep his mind off of his brother, you might want to try that." I suggest, not getting into any details.

"Thanks, O'Hara. You have been so helpful here today."

"My pleasure. If you need anything else, you know where to find me," I say before she walks out of the entry hall.

"Time to find a ride home," I say to myself as I slip my shoes back on. I walk outside and pull out my phone to give Shawn a call.

"Hey Jules," he answers after the first ring.

"Can you come pick me up?" I ask reluctantly.

"Didn't you ride over with Lassie? Are you ditching him?" These questions are ones that normal Shawn would ask, so I would guess that he is doing okay. Or just hiding it better.

"No," I laugh. "We had a bit of a disagreement, so he kind of left without me."

"I'm on my way sweety. Be there in five." He hung up. I'm lucky that Shawn has my back all the time. I wish he would realize that I have his.


	5. Chapter 5

Dinner tonight is a quiet affair. I can almost feel the unspoken words trying to escape from Shawn's mouth, but he says nothing. For now, I'm content to shove spaghetti into my mouth; the pizza was a long time ago, but I want answers and I want them fast.

As soon as Shawn finishes eating, though, he leaps up to put his plate in the kitchen.

"Shawn," I call uselessly as he whisks by. I turn my head to see where he's going, but he's already gone. After a few minutes, I hear the shower start. I sigh heavily and put my own plate in the dishwasher.

I get up and head into my room to change out of my pantsuit and into something more comfortable. I open my closet as fast as possible because it makes this awful noise whenever I move the door. I should really get that fixed but it helps me wake up in the morning. The hangers squeak as I push my pantsuits aside until I get to my comfy clothes. I toss out my pair of grey sweatpants that I think I got in highschool, but somehow they still fit. The word fashion stares at me as I come across that T-shirt that Shawn got me and only have worn once, when all my clothes got stolen by that creepy roommate. Shawn loves that shirt so I toss that one out too. I change as fast as humanly because I really don't like wearing those stiff pantsuits all day. Picking up a rubber band off the floor, I throw my hair into a ponytail not even bothering to look in the mirror. I walk back into the living room, flop on the couch, and turn the tv on. The Mentalist is on, but I can't focus. Instead, I am brought back to the only time I can remember Shawn acting similar to this.

_Lassiter and I were searching Jerry Carp's house the morning Henry was shot. The place was trashed. Papers were thrown everywhere and some lamps and statuettes were broken. _

_"Looks like someone got here first," I said to Lassiter. _

_"Maybe someone working with Carp? Trying to find something that would give away his position?" Lassiter guessed. _

_"Maybe," I agreed. "But there's no way to tell if they found it."_

_"Did you hear that?" Lassiter hissed, drawing his sidearm. _

_"Hear what?" I hadn't heard a thing. _

_"Shhh! It was a bump. I think someone else is here."_

_"That must be our guy!"_

_"I think it came from over here." Lassiter led the way through the house. _

_We crept along, weapons at the ready. We cleared two rooms, but heard whispering in the third. Something about it sounded familiar. _

_We rounded the corner, peeked behind a bookshelf and saw Shawn and Gus. I shouldn't have been surprised to see them. And honestly, I wasn't. I was more surprised at the look on Shawn's face. Normally, he hid his emotions behind a mask of jokes, but I could easily read him. It shocked and disturbed me. _

I jolted back to the present. What had happened to make Shawn act like this?

"Whatcha watchin' there Jules" the couch sinks slightly as Shawn plops on the couch next to me.

"Huh?" I sit up off the arm of couch and tip back over onto Shawn's shoulder.

"Forget it." His arm reaches over me to grab the remote that I apparently had been laying on. I can hear that he is flipping through channels but I've already closed my eyes again so I have no idea what good shows he could be passing up.

"I'm so tired," I mumble incoherently.

"Me too." I get comfy as Shawn wraps his arm around me, everything seems normal in this picture.

"Ooh, the Mentalist!" Shawn says loudly, making me jump.

"That's exactly what I was already watching," I point out.

"But it's a good show," Shawn replies, trying and failing to stifle a huge yawn.

I twist to look at him. His hair is still damp and his eyes are closed. He's wearing the same old T-Shirt and different boxers. He looks absolutely exhausted. I turn back, snuggling into him more and closing my eyes. I won't bother him tonight. For now, I'll just drift off here where I feel safe, wrapped up in his arms.

*slam*

I slowly open my eyes and wipe the makeup remains off my eyes. What was that? Too add to my confusion I start to hear footsteps, I think someone is in my house. Sitting up slowly, I move Shawn's arm off me carefully so I don't wake him up. The wood floor is really cold against my barefeet, but I try to ignore that as I think up of a plan. I creep towards the shelf and open up the weird woven basket that I keep for only one reason. I pull out my gun and let me detective instincts take over.

"Whoah there" Gus' hands shoot up over his head.

"What the hell are you doing in my kitchen" I lower my gun. "How did you even get in?"

"I ran out of food at my place and I found the spare key." He lowers his hands and continues to eat my food.

"I am too tired to deal with you right now." I retreat back to put my gun away.

"What's going on in, oh hi Gus." Shawn interrupts himself, he isn't confused at all on why Gus is here.

"Hey Shawn, want some food?" Someday maybe I'll get used to Gus showing up all the time, but not today.

"Of course!" Shawn opens up the fridge, I just watch them. "Want some pineapple?"

"Yes!" I go put my gun back in it's place then go back into the kitchen because I really don't trust them in a room full of food.

"Jules, you want some?"

"Sure, what the hell, I'll have some." I sit down at the table and try to keep my eyes from creeping closed.

"Let's eat," Shawn says putting the pineapple on the table, then proceeds to sit and eat it. Ever since Shawn moved in there is always pineapple in the fridge, it's become a staple in the house.

"Damn! That's one delicious flavor," Gus says in between bites. Nobody says another word as we devour the entire fruit.

"Okay, now let's go to bed." I get up to stretch out. "This time let's sleep in our bed, I'm pretty sore now from that couch." I twist around trying to get my back to crack but I failed.

"Can I crash on your couch?" Gus starts to clean up the kitchen from the mess he made. He's better than Shawn, he will actually clean up after himself.

"Jules?" Shawn asks for my approval.

"Whatever." I'm way to tired to deal with them right now, "I'm going to bed. You two should really do the same." I leave them to, hopefully, clean up. Not even bothering with the light I crawl under the covers and get comfortable. I hear the tv flick off, I totally forgot it was even on.

"Goodnight Sweetie" Shawn says joining me under the covers.

"Goodnight Shawn." I lean over to give him a kiss, he had the same idea, our lips met for a moment.

"I love you." I nuzzle my head against his chest to find a comfortable position for sleeping.

"I love you too Jules." An arm wraps around me as he gets comfortable.

"Don't mind me, I just need a blanket." Gus just walks in and heads for Shawn's closet.

"Get out!" I say not bothering to move.

"Sorry, don't let me bother you."

"You're disturbing the wonderful time we are having in bed," Shawn says giving me an awkward squeeze.

"Just shut up and sleep, both of you." I give Shawn the weird look he deserved from that comment.

Gus smacks his lips, in that weird way I have yet to figure out, then says,"C'mon son, I just needed some warmth." He grabs the blanket from the closet and walks out and right into the door-frame. "Ow."

I roll over again, too tired to laugh at Gus, attempting to find a comfortable position. The bed shakes a little as Shawn inches closer to me. A faint smile wipes across my face as his fingers intertwine with mine. Immediately I've found that comfortable position to sleep in now that I'm in Shawn's arms once again. I begin to drift off to sleep, wondering, once again, why he wouldn't tell me what was going on with him.


	6. Chapter 6

_Crash. _I am woken up by the awful sound of something falling. Immediately, my hands are reaching for the gun I keep next to my bed. I sit bolt upright, gun raised in front of me. On the ground in front of our closet is a bundle of blankets and clothes and I can hear a familiar whining noise coming from underneath.

With a sigh, I put my gun away and carefully slip out of bed, doing my best not to wake Shawn. How he slept through that, I don't know, but he somehow managed it.

"Gus?" I whisper, crouching down next to the bundle.

The whining gets a little louder.

I begin to pull blankets and shirts off of him. The rod that was hanging in the closet is now in the pile along with a loudly whimpering Gus.

"What's wrong? Did the rod hit you?"

Gus nods a tearful yes.

"Where? On the head?" I search his head for a bump or maybe even some blood.

"No."

"Then where?"

Gus points to his arm. With amazing self control, I keep from rolling my eyes. Gus can be such a baby.

"Let's get you some ice." I pull him to his feet and lead him out of the room, casting a last glance at the slumbering figure of Shawn. He seems to be shaking his head. I smile affectionately. Shawn is always moving in his sleep.

I take Gus into the kitchen and get him some ice for his arm. Ignoring his blubbering, I bustle about the kitchen, making coffee. Looking at the clock, I see that it's 5:45. No wonder Shawn didn't wake up.

As I'm picking up the coffee pot, a loud scream came from the bedroom, causing me to jump and drop it. It shatters beneath me but I ignore it.

"Shawn?" I run into the bedroom with Gus on my heels.

Shawn is flailing around on the bed, still deeply asleep. An almost inhuman noise is escaping from his lips. I stand frozen in the doorway while Gus pushes past me.

I don't know what to do. This is Shawn, my Shawn, having an apparent night terror.

Gus is at his side, quietly soothing him while I uselessly stand there. I want so badly to go to him but it's as if my feet are rooted to the floor. All I can do is watch as Gus whispers to him and gently holds down his arms. Presently, Shawn stops fighting and screaming and lies still, his face covered in sweat.

"Gus?" I ask, still petrified. "What the hell?"

"I'm sure Shawn can explain it better when he wakes up." Gus starts walking out as if this was not a big deal at all. "Why don't you go comfort him, I can't do that because I'm a guy and you're his girlfriend, you'll be better anyway."

My feet uproot themselves from the wood floor allowing me to rush to Shawn's side. Gus was right, he is still shaking with fear. I try my best to not freak out, to keep strong but there are tears already forming in my eyes. "Shawn it's okay, I'm right here." I sit down on the bed and lean down to give him a kiss on his forehead.

Shawn sighs deeply, his head nuzzling into my side like a puppy. I sit with him until he stops shaking and the sweat starts to disappear. I walk out to find Gus eating some of our leftover pizza.

"You mind telling me what the hell just happened in there?" I ask loudly, causing Gus to jump and drop his pizza.

"I guess you didn't know Shawn gets night terrors." Gus looks a little frightened. "He started getting them around the same time that he, uh was six."

"Really? Six? What were you going to say originally?" I notice Gus' uncertainty.

"I was gonna say six," Gus replies, eyes downcast.

"No you weren't. Gus, do you know why Shawn is acting so weird? It has to do with the night terror, doesn't it?"

"No. I don't know." Gus still avoids eye contact.

"Gus!" I say sharply and he looks up guiltily.

"Look, Juliet, it's not my place to be telling you. This is something Shawn needs to tell you himself when he's ready. I'm the only one outside of his family that knows and he didn't tell me for ten years."

At that time, Shawn walks into the kitchen, yawning widely. "Hey, you two."

His eyes still hold traces of fear and deep sadness. Gus and I make the briefest eye contact, silently agreeing not to bring it up.

"You hungry, Shawn? I was thinking of making waffles," I say, using as cheery of a voice as I can muster.

"Yeah, I could go for some waffles," Shawn replies, plopping down heavily next to Gus.

I busy myself making the batter until my phone rings. Glancing at the caller ID, I see that it's Lassiter and that it's already 6:30. Great.

"O'Hara," I answer in my most professional voice, dreading what's to come.

"Where the hell are you O'Hara? Have you forgotten the case we're working right now?" Lassiter is pissed.

"I'm sorry, time must have gotten away from me," I apologize, grabbing my things.

"Just get down here immediately!" Lassiter hangs up before I can respond.

"A good morning to you too," I mutter under my breath. "Sorry guys, I gotta go. Gus, can you finish the waffles?" I don't ask him to keep Shawn busy, but he can read it loud and clear in my expression.

"Of course."

"Thank you." I give Shawn a quick peck while Gus hides his eyes in mock disgust, then head for the door. "You two be good," I toss back over my shoulder before locking them inside my house.

I unlock my car and hop in, then start to question my destination. "If i go now with Lassiter," I begin thinking aloud, "then we probably are going to wake them up and that won't be pretty. But I could also call him off and go to Mr. Spencer's, that way maybe he can explain…." I begin trailing off, having decided my destination before I even need to talk it all through. So I start up my car, back out of the driveway and head down the street to the left, towards the elder Spencer's house.

I pull out my phone to dial up Carlton trying not to regret this decision because I think he woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.

"What now?" He picks up after the first ring.

"I know you aren't going to like thi-" he wouldn't let me finish before saying "Don't you give me some lame ass excuse having to do with Mr. Spencer." I'm pretty sure that he is yelling into the phone now.

"No I'm not," I quickly come up with another explanation, "I was thinking that maybe Henry could give us something, he knew Dobson."

"Do I need to drag my ass across to talk to one of Dobsons friends? I don't think so."

"No Lassiter you do not. I will go over myself, it shouldn't take long." Carlton is in a really cranky mood today.

"Okay," he sighs in defeat, "see you in a few, O'Hara."

I end the call and toss my phone onto the passenger seat. I feel a little guilty about lying to Lassiter. The case is not the real reason I'm heading over to Henry's. I need answers about Shawn, and he's my best shot at getting them.

I pull into the driveway of the familiar white house and steel myself for an encounter with the elder Spencer.


	7. Chapter 7

I walk up to the door and knock, hoping Henry's awake. He opens the door fully dressed in another horrible Costco shirt. Of course he's awake.

"Juliet," he smiles. "What are you doing here?"

"Hi, Mr. Spencer," I greet him.

"Henry," he corrects.

"Hi, Henry. Could I have a word?"

"Sure, come in." Henry closes the door behind me. "What is this about?"

"I'm sure you've heard about the Dobson's by now."

Henry nods once.

"Do you know of anyone who would want to hurt that little boy?"

"No, and if I did, I would have called. You know that. So what's this really about?"

I sigh. Henry is as perceptive as his son. "It's Shawn."

"Shawn? What's wrong with my son?"

"It's just that he's been acting odd since this case started."

Henry crosses his arms. "Odd?"

"He's been all emotional. I've seen him cry only a couple times before this, but he's just a wreck. I know he's hiding something. I think he feels guilty, although I can't imagine why. And last night he had a night terror."

"A night terror?"

"Yes, it was terrible."

"And you think I know why?" Henry's tone was suddenly tinged with a hostile undertone.

"I thought you might, since you're his father," I reply, confused with the turn this conversation had taken.

"He's never had a night terror before. I have no idea why he would start now."

My eyes narrow upon hearing this lie. "You're sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. He's my son. Now, if you'll excuse me detective, I have plans. And it seems you have a case to work."

"Alright. Thank you for your time, Henry." I hop back in my car wondering what could possibly make both Spencers and Gus lie to me.

I glance at the passengers seat to see three missed calls from my very impatient partner. I shoot him a quick text saying _I'm on my way now_ before starting up my car. I drive in silence for some time before realizing that I trusted Gus to watch Shawn when Gus has work today.

I grab my phone off the seat to call home.

"Hello," Shawn's voice answers.

"Hey Shawn, is Gus there?"

"Yea, he is, why?" He is too tired to process anything at this hour, especially after the night terror.

"Can I talk to him for a sec?"

"Sure." I hear a bunch of rustling in the background.

"Hi Jules." Gus has the phone now.

"Do you have work today?"

"Yea. Why?" He asks, confused.

"I just wanted to know if Shawn would be left alone today or not."

"Yes he will, I'm sorry, but I have to go to work so I can keep my job. Sorry," he apologizes profusely.

"That's okay, could you send him to Henry's maybe?"

"Yeah I can trick him into anything," he brags.

"Alright," I laugh, "thanks Gus."

"Well I should go, want to talk to Shawn?"

My gps tells me I have some time till I get there so I reply, "sure, bye Gus."

"What were you talking about with Gus?" Shawn must have been ready to steal the phone from Gus once I gave him an okay.

"I was asking him if he cleaned up the kitchen, because I trust him more than you on that note." I force myself to lie.

"I wouldn't trust me either."

"Oh, Lassiter is calling me, I've got to take this. Bye Shawn."

"Okay, big fat kisses."

"Big fat kisses." I can't help but smile everytime he says that, it will never get old.

"Juliet!" Carlton yells into his phone, "where the hell are you?"

"I'm turning onto the street right now." I try not to yell but I'm getting close.

"I see you, I'm hanging up" he made himself feel kind of stupid for calling again.

Pulling in the driveway, I check myself out in the mirror and notice how much of a mess my hair is right now. I pull out the rubber band and finger through the knots. I do my best in making a neat part without a brush and somehow it turned out okay.

"Come on, O'Hara, let's go." Even Carlton seems to be acting a little differently with this case.

"I'm coming!" I'm really not in the mood to be patient with him today.

"Will you talk to Charlie again?" His patience level just took a nosedive, "Mrs. Dobson said it was okay for you to do it."

"Okay," I try to hold back laughter but it escapes a little bit.

"Do you find that funny?" His voice raises.

"No," I fire back and put my serious face back on. As I proceed up the stairs the vision of Shawn night terror just keeps replaying in my head; I can't get it out.

*knock* *knock*

"Who is it?" A faint voice calls out from inside the room.

"It's Juliet, may I come in?"

"Yes, if it's just you." Light footsteps come towards the door to open it up for me.

"Hey, what are you up to buddy?" I see that his eyes are red from crying.

"Nothing," Charlie mumbles.

I sit down beside him on his bed in order to level with him. Gently grabbing his biceps I ask, "Are you okay?"

"No." I'm caught off guard with his reaction. "I'm not okay at all Juliet." His body goes limp as his head falls and he starts crying on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry." I pull him closer and rub his back a little to comfort him.

After a minute or so he raises his head up and says quietly, "this is all my fault."


End file.
